Saturday, April 30, 2011
That's what love is for
And I was married to my best friend. I'm trying to put that feeling into my fiction for my heroes and heroines, because it's the stuff life is made of. While I loved Christina Dodd's link on Facebook to Tiffany & Co.'s "build your engagement ring" site and Jo Beverley's link to her Word Wenches blog on a history of weddings, it's the little, everyday things that make a marriage.
I screwed up my sleep schedule again, so slept until just a bit ago and Chris went off to play poker at a local pub. I'm okay with that, because after 23 years (more, because we lived together a year before we got engaged), I don't need passionate and constant attention every minute of every day. In fact, we try to give each other space and alone time as often as needed. But--here's the kicker--I walked into the kitchen and Chris did some dishes for us! I cried, honest. I'd thought about saying "If you really loved me...," which is another game you play when you've been married a while. (The other one, by the way, is "I'm going to die first, because....") But, the "If you really loved me..." card is one you probably better keep for extra special occasions and acknowledge it's a game, otherwise it loses its effectiveness. It was like he read my mind. And I was grateful.
Wait a sec. "Hard to Say" by Dan Fogelberg just came up on my computer music program. Particularly apropos. And that's my second point of what I try to do in my life and my fiction: love is the little things, day in and day out. Seriously. I see it in family and friends, but especially in my own life. Love is running all over town to find the double-stick tape/favorite cheese/earrings your spouse needs/wants, staying with the grandkids on your birthday because there are three other crises going on, passing the same Valentine's Day card back and forth for the tenth year, pulling wheelchair duty for your mother-in-law without being asked, saying "please" and "thank you" though through gritted teeth, holding the other person as they cry at the end of "Field of Dreams," ordering the potato skins when you really wanted the onion petals. Insert your special incident here.
Now, "I Love You Always Forever" by Donna Lewis is playing. Yeah, you're in for the long haul. It's going to be either a shorter haul than you wanted or a horrifyingly long and painful haul, unless common courtesies are paid.
I have to laugh--now the Beatles' "Paperback Writer" came up. So, while traditional literature may deal with history and philosophical conundrums, I'm proud to be writing genre fiction. It's where real life is happening. Now, let's pause and listen to Mary-Chapin Carpenter's "Passionate Kisses."